Howling Emotions, Vulnerability and Invisible People

Detail of a painting, taken from

In the aftermath of the first full moon eclipse of this brave new decade, a full Moon in sensitive Cancer, I sit on a couch in America and pet my flat-mate’s fluffy cat while watching a video of a woman watering the burnt paws of a kangaroo in Australia. I cry because this cat is not mine and I will soon need to leave it as I depart from this place, and I cry without even realizing I am crying. But the mess on my chin and dribble on my T-shirt reminds me of this unavoidable fact: I have feelings. No matter how much my work – which is rational and emotionally suppressed by its nature – reminds me that feelings are useless in neoliberal capitalism, I still have them. No matter how much social media promotes a certain kind of affectionate display, one which is superficial and overly saccharine and positive, I continue to feel. Often, I experience an overwhelm of emotions considered by many to be socially-taboo: sadness and anger.

My default is that I usually avoid watching clips with babies and animals as these get me in my feelings every time. But this time, I couldn’t look away. To distract myself from apprehensive news about the tense political situation in Iran, I look at Australia’s wild landscape and how it is set aflame for months now. It seems that everywhere you look as this year began, there is this mass fear and emotional outpouring. I’m also amazed that it still takes us so much to realize that what happens locally, affects us globally.

Our world weather is rapidly changing and mostly due to the indifference with which we treat our artificial creations (cars, packaging, highways etc.). We could choose to let nature be but instead we persist in manipulating it, and in the current patriarchal ruling system we also continue to rapidly destroy it. Nature is not a threat to us; it nurtures us and keeps us alive. However, in the Anthropocene we seem bent not only on using and exploiting Nature, but also in neglectfully ruining it. And why? Nature supports us, it is part of us; we are as natural to this world, as it is to us. Maybe we hurt it because on some collective, unconscious level we became addicted to harming ourselves. Or maybe living in comfort, gives a certain meaningless to life, and we then start to randomly destroy just for fun.

We are connected whether we like it or not. Its instincts are our instincts and no matter how rational and spiritual we are, we are also part animal. We exist in this World to experience it fully, and hopefully to exit it, in a much better state then it was when we were born into it. A kangaroo’s destroyed habitat today, will become the polluted and ashy rain sweeping over Pacific Islanders, New Zealanders and American West Coast cities, tomorrow.

The transit of the North Node in Cancer conjunct this Full Moon in Cancer is about precisely those things: holding on, the wild environment, the Mother Archetype and the vulnerability and fragility that exists within us and beyond us. It is about treating the global as if it were our family, and realising that when we fail locally to protect those that need love and attention and care, we also affect the global chain of events.

Another channel that gravitated towards me seamlessly in this period is Invisible People. I watched videos of homeless people from all over the world, struggling to survive and truly living out the spiritul credo to ‘live in the moment’ but marred by a hungry hope for a safer future. The ways in which these brave people cope and how they struggle to remain optimistic and continue to move on in spite of hardships is such a wake up call to our shared humanity:

I cry with them and I cry for them, both out of fear that I might end up in their place since life is so uncertain, but also because they remind me that I have a heart and that I would love to do meaningful work, to help people like them that experience desperation, to offer them hope and shelter. I realise as well that someone else is crying with me, and that is my inner child, who suffered neglect and abandonement in my earlier journey.

It took me a while to realize that tears are ok. That they are a release, a healthy reaction of our bodies to emotional overwhelm, a pressure valve that opens with heart-break, so that we can let the energy flow through us more freely. Feelings exists within us to alert us to how we give and receive respect and understanding. Feelings help us make memories, they work with thoughts to help us become more aware of ourselves and our humanity; they poi t towards how our personal and physical boundaries are being trespassed or reinforced. Because of emotions, we maintain a set of values that help us relate to each other, and can also protect us from each other and from complete obliteration. A sarcastic and rational world that just aims to be madly optimistic and cool on a daily basis, is a world that eventually will eat itself up. Much like a nihilistic world, devoid of meaning, pleasure or joy, can darken the horizon of our shared futures.

Feelings and tears also come and go much like the cycles of the moon. Farmers in the past used to run agriculture based on the moon and women used to keep an eye out for pregnancies and periods according to its monthly movements. The moon controls the tides of the sea much like the Sun warms our Earth and helps crops grow – our Earth is linked to us and to the planets of the solar system.

Image shared from this wonderful resource:

But the continuous influence of the patriarchy (Rule of the Father) and our collective obsession with the masculinist principles of strength, force, individualism, rational calculation and physical prowess is telling us otherwise. We see it with Trump. We see it with Boris Johnson. We saw it with every dictator that made a mark in history. In spite of progress in education, we can’t seem to shake off these masculinist principles which when taken to an extreme as they are now, they affect not only our everyday gender relations but are deeply embedded within our economy, politics, education and medical and legal systems across the world. We forget that these values are created as they seem to form a natural and immovable law, but they are not natural, they are socially constructed, and they are becoming antiquted and harmful to our very existence on this planet.

The divisions we understand to exist between us as self-standing human beings, the natural environment of this planet and our wider solar system, are illusions created by the divisions of our limited minds (of which we use only 5%). These divisions are the product of fear and control. And we have so much of this fear and control running amok in our collective unconscious at the moment with the South Node – the karmic place of letting go – conjunct Pluto, Saturn and Jupiter in the sign of fear, karma, limits, effort and emotional stoicim, Capricorn. And yet this Full Moon reminds us that we have hearts, and that we need to be aware of them, to get into our feelings, and let emotions overcome us, in order to solve the current political and environmental problems. To better situate the planetary energies that are bringing these issues into our collective awareness, I use the visual world of Tarot:

Light and dark, nurturing and stoicism, the man-made rule of the father and the instinctive and maternal pulsations of Nature. These comingle of course, as the patriarchy offers stable structures that nurture us and Nature is at times maternal, but can be equally brutal. On some level controlling nature ensures our survival. But can we establish a relationship of growing care for the world we live in, rather than one of domination and usage? This would require us to adopt a more spiritual approach to the world, to be more careful and patient and resilient, to restrict giving in to our base desires at the click of a button and to control our impulses. Who knows perhaps that might be a new form of stoicism, one born out of care and respect, rather than a need to be tough and ‘manly’ for power’s sake. We might surprise ourselves, as we also conserve the riches and beauty of this planet.

In light of these emotional waves we are riding, of the generalized fear and limitations we are encountering, there is the Wolf Spirit guiding us all through this cold Full Moon, since the first lunar cycle of the year is also called the Wolf Moon. Somehow the beautiful energy that emanates from a pack of White wolves and the way they communicate with each other through their whole bodies, unique by themselves yet part of a tightly knit group, is comforting and inspiring, and I feel intuitively that I should share it with you:

With universal love (and a heavy yet opened heart),

Lexi ❤

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